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Know and Like Ourselves
For us to develop good relationships with others we need to have a
good relationship with ourselves. Thinking about and writing down
statements that begin with "I am ....." can help us look at what we
know about ourselves. We may write our name; profession; gender;
family roles like parent, spouse, son, daughter; caretaker, etc. Then,
we may write about our personality characteristics. For example, "I am
...." friendly understanding, energetic, and intelligent." Our values
is another area we can consider.
Organizations, as well as individuals, are focusing on what they
value the most. We need to examine our values and whether we are
living in alignment with our values. We have become aware of
organizations who apparently did not follow a high value system. We
need to understand what we value and live our values in order to
experience satisfaction and happiness in our lives.
The American Heart Association emphasizes how we can learn to make
decisions to select a heart healthy life style. Restaurants are
offering menus for "Heart- Healthy meals." If we take care of our
hearts we will be living a healthy life style which will include
exercise, necessary sleep and relaxation plus healthy food.
Coaching is catching on throughout the US and the world. Many of us
are learning about ourselves by experiencing the positive difference
that occurs when working with a professional coach to make changes in
our lives, relationships, and careers. The COACHING IS CATCHING ON
article in this newsletter gives more information about coaching
activities.
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Greetings!
February has always been a special month in my mind. It is our
shortest month and comes at the end of winter. Valentine's Day comes
in the middle of the month. In different years Valentine's Day may
be happy, sad or at a place in-between. It can be a time when we
have high expectations concerning a special love relationship.
February is a good month to strengthen our relationships with family
members, friends, and colleagues. It is also a good time to evaluate
our relationship with ourselves.
Mutual trust is a necessary part of satisfactory and mutually
beneficial relationships. Relationships can change as we and others
have different life experiences. We may have fewer opportunities to
be together. But with phone, e-mail and mail services we can still
stay in touch.
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Family and Friends
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 As
human beings we need to have relationships with other people. Often
we hear people discussing how to network. They may be thinking
networking means marketing when they would prefer to be by
themselves. We do need to have time for ourselves to understand
ourselves. However, networking is an opportunity to meet other
people who think differently, have had other life experiences, and
are knowledgeable about many other subjects. When we network we can
learn, grow and meet future friends.
During my life there have been friends who have helped me by
doing things I would not have asked them to do. We need to remember
when someone asks what they can do to help us, we can say, "Thank
you." Then, we can let them know when we do need help. Additionally,
we should not be overly dependent on family members and friends. We
can encourage family members to have friends outside their family.
With friends and family we can enrich our lives and theirs by
"touching base" which means contacting them to learn what is going
on in their lives and to share special thoughts and news. We can
feel warmer inside because we have good connections with these
people who are important in our lives.
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Colleagues
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Recently, a consultant told me that almost all the difficulties he
deals with in organizations are people problems. Many of the
problems involve the communication between the leaders, managers,
and the employees. Susan Steinbrecher and Joel B. Bennett, Ph.D.
have written a book about "Heart-centered Leadership." They, also,
suggest that we know ourselves and our values. Furthermore, they
emphasize that we need to understand other people want the same
things we want such as respect, to be kept informed of what is
really happening, to be a part of planning, and implementing actions
that will lead to accomplishing shared goals. If we have authentic
communication and share information then we can work toward goals
that will help us and the organization.
Large and small businesses and organizations have learned that
providing coaching for their employees has improved the whole
organization. IBM started offering coaching to a small group of
executives. Each year they have enlarged their program so that now
several thousand of their employees have an opportunity to be
coached.
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Close Relationships
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During our lives we have opportunities for close connections and
in-depth relationships. Sometimes we may not have a special love.
Some relationships do not continue the way we would like. One reason
may be that we do not share who we really are. As we develop trust
in another person we share more information about ourselves. Then,
they have more information about us. Other people know things about
us that we may not know about ourselves. As they learn more about us
they can share information that will help us to know ourselves
better.
Unfortunately, when we meet someone new, we may try to be the
kind of person we think they want us to be. If we know who we are
and try to live the way we want to be, we will be more authentic and
real in how we present ourselves. We can be ourselves and honor the
values that are important to us. We want others to be themselves
without feeling they need to act according to what they think we
want.
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Spirituality
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Human beings are naturally curious about life. The religions of the
world help us consider whether there is a universal spirit or God. I
believe that God, a universal mind, or Spirit is everywhere and that
we can express God through what we do. Prayer and meditation can
help us feel connected to our spirituality.
If we believe that God is within everyone, our relationships with
other people can be improved. If we feel angry toward someone but
remind ourselves that person is also a child of God, we may be able
to recognize the person has some good qualities. Studying other
religions can help us to realize that many religions have similar
ideas and practices. We all need to help each other live according
to positive spiritual beliefs.
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Tips about Relationships
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(1) Know and value ourselves. (2) Value others and share with them
what we value in them. (3) Share love with others. Love is not a
commodity to be hoarded. We do not deplete it. I think of love as
being like the water in a spring. When it is shared there is a
continuous supply of water to replace it. (4) Take care of our
hearts physically, emotionally and spiritually. (5) Learn if your
life would be improved if you worked with a coach.
In a FREE COACHING SESSION, I will coach you about a change you
would like to make or a problem you are facing. Phone 972-690-0442
or contact me at maphurd@mail.smu.edu. Enjoy browsing my web site
www.pilot-your-life.com
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Coaching is Catching On
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The first week in February is International Coaching Week. Various
activities are occuring around the US. The activities sponsored by
the International Coach Federation of North Texas (ICF-NT) are shown
in the following web site: www.icf-nt.com. In the next paragraph, I
share with you my experiences with two events.
(1) On Sunday, February 1 in Dallas, Kathy Jones, the Host of
Community Corners on KLUV, 98.7, aired an interview about
professional coaching. Mike Conklin, the Public Relations Chair of
ICF-NT, and I discussed with Kathy how a professionally trained
coach can help enhance a career, improve relationships and have
balance in one's life. (2) During this month, Jodie Wallace, the
Hostess of a TV show "Speaking Women to Women" is presenting a panel
discussion about coaching with three coaches from the ICF-NT chapter
- - Ginger Cochran, Sandy Kaiser, and me. The coach is a partner who
helps a client identify values, select goals, develop and implement
a plan. See this show is being shown during February at 8:30 pm.
Monday through Friday on Cable channel 14. If you would like to hear
a tape of the radio show or see a video of the TV show, phone me at
972-690-0442.
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