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Listen for potential
Volume 5, Number 6
September/October 2006
Greetings!
"CHANGE THINKING -- STOP
GIVING ADVICE" was the subject of the July/August issue of Pilot
Your Life. In this issue I present suggestions on how to listen for the
speaker's potential by changing what is going on in our own brains. This
process can help us be more effective leaders by utilizing more of the
material discussed in David Rock's book, "Quiet Leadership."
(Look at the "Recommendation for a 'Super' Book" below.)
NEURO-SCIENCE RESEARCH INDICATES
the neurons in our brains are primed to notice information. For example,
when we listen to someone we listen for information which will prove our
theories about the person. We are not conscious of this process. However,
we need to be aware that our thoughts affect how we listen. "The
Clarity of Distance Model" discussed below can help us to think
clearly and listen for potential.
Our thoughts affect our listening
 OUR PERSONAL THOUGHTS
AFFECT how well we listen when someone else speaks. If we want to impress
the speaker, we may be thinking about what we can say that sounds
intelligent or shows how important we are. Perhaps we want others to think
we are funny. When we are thinking about what we can say when the speaker
stops talking, we are not listening for the potential of the speaker. Here,
I am defining potential to be "the inherent ability or capacity for
growth and development to become more than the speaker is at present."
EXTERNAL NOISE AND OTHER
DISTRACTIONS may catch our attention so that we focus on background sounds
and other people. Something that is mentioned may trigger a memory and we
go there in our mind.
WE MAY NOT WANT TO LISTEN to the
person who is talking to us. So we may look at them but think our own
thoughts. We need to realize the person who is talking is probably aware
that we are not listening with our full attention.
WE MAY LISTEN WHILE we are doing
something else. It is easy to be caught up in our professional and personal
agendas. One of the greatest gifts we can give to someone else is to listen
for their potential.
The Clarity of Distance Model
 THE CLARITY OF
DISTANCE MODEL emphasizes that our thinking is better if we have some
distance from the specific issue. David Rock suggests that there are four
situations which can reduce how effectively we are thinking and listening.
BEING LOST IN DETAILS is the first
situation Rock discusses. Have you ever been in a forest and could not see
where you were going? Sometimes I ask a client to imagine being in a
helicopter or looking down at the situation from the top of a mountain.
This is a useful technique to get out of the details and get a different
perspective of the situation.
Our filters can mislead us
 OUR FILTERS
ARE UNCONSCIOUS frameworks through which we perceive our world. These
include our assumptions, expectations, and predictions. Our past
experiences influence how we perceive others and affect how we listen and
how we think.
FILTERS CAN BE HELPFUL when they
are accurate and help us predict what a group of people with certain
experiences will know. However, listening to someone through our filters
may be putting the person in a predetermined "box" that is not
accurate and will keep us from listening for the person's potential.
Concentrating on our own agenda and
being too emotionally involved
WE NEED TO CHECK whether we have
our own agenda for the speaker to accomplish. By identifying our own
agendas we can consciously decide to set them aside and really listen to
the speaker. Then, it will be easier to become aware of the speaker's
potential.
THE FOURTH SITUATION that could
interfere with our ability to listen is if the issue being discussed is an
emotionally charged "hot spot" for us. We cannot think clearly
because we are too emotionally involved. At such times our emotions are in
charge of our actions and thoughts. We need to calm down. It would be
better for us to ask to continue the conversation later after enough time
has elapsed for us to think clearly.
Tips to listening for potential
- Avoid
getting lost in details or being misled by your filters.
- Put
your agendas aside and concentrate on how you can help the speaker
realize he has greater potential than he realizes.
- Allow
yourself time to cool down when your emotions are aroused.
- Ask
the speaker how you can help her think about the issue that concerns
her.
- Be
available to people who are trying to change the way they think and
solve problems because it is hard to change the neural connections in
our brains. So, we all need continued support and encouragement.
Dr. Mary Alice Hurd"s
Recommendation for a "Super" Book
 I STRONGLY
RECOMMEND "Quiet Leadership" by David Rock (HarperCollins, 2006).
This book provides excellent examples of real dilemmas and how people can
learn to think differently and handle problems in all areas of their lives.
The brain research data that he provides are easy to understand and help us
understand how to use our brains more effectively.
CHANGE YOUR THINKING AND CHANGE
YOUR LIFE. One client, who is a Diversity Specialist, wrote, “I highly
recommend Mary Alice as a coach who ensures your professional and personal development."The
growth that Mary Alice provides her clients is extraordinary!" Phone
Mary Alice at 972.690.0442 to schedule a free coaching session to
learn how a coach can help you be happier and more effective in your life.
DR. MARY ALICE HURD IS AN
EXECUTIVE COACH AND LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST. She integrates her experience as
an organizational psychological consultant with 30 years as a psychology
professor at Southern Methodist
University. She
received her coaching training in the MentorCoach
program. Mary Alice has been coaching individuals and groups over the phone
since 2001. Also, she presents workshops and speeches to organizations and
groups in person. (For further details click on biography.)
MARY ALICE IS AFFILIATED with
Success Discoveries. Success Discoveries is a consortium of
highly-qualified independent coaches representing multiple coaching
specialties. As a collaborative team we provide a broad wealth of knowledge
and expertise for the benefit of corporate and individual clients. For more
information click on www.successdiscoveries.com.
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