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PILOT YOUR LIFE, Vol. 2, No. 9

September 2003

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NAVIGATE THE OPPORTUNITIES AND CHALLENGES IN YOUR LIFE

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Welcome! One word to describe September is “busyness.” People return from vacations, school begins, organizations become revitalized, and business activities intensify. We have opportunities to reconnect with our friends, meet new people, and learn new things.

This issue focuses on how evaluating your priorities and commitments can help you pilot your life for the rest of this calendar year. **********************************************************************

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Comments from Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D.

2. Priorities

3. Commitments

4. An overwhelmed client

5. Tips to help you enjoy the rest of the year

6. Additional Information **********************************************************************

1. Comments from Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D.

In this issue, I present ideas that can help you decide how you want to pilot your life for the rest of 2003. In September, the fall season officially begins. The cooler temperatures are a welcome relief from hot summer days. The beautiful colors of the autumn leaves can be breathtaking. September is a time to look at your priorities and commitments and consider what you want to do.

During the last quarter of the year there are several holidays. So you need to consider how you can balance your regular routine and still have the fun and fellowship associated with the holidays. The next two sections consider how your priorities and commitments can be honored.

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2. Priorities

How you decide to use your time for the rest of the 2003 involves looking at your priorities. List your priorities at the present time. One priority could be your family, which could include a spouse, partner, children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings. Other priorities could include friends, profession, job, financial stability, environment, spirituality, and education. You may have other priorities.

After you have completed your list go back and circle the priorities that are your own priorities (not ones you listed that are important to someone else). Now, pick your five top priorities and list them according to importance. Consider how each of them got into your top five position.

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3. Commitments and saying “No”

Ø Commitments

Write down the commitments you have made already. Now compare your

priority list with your commitment list. Hopefully, there is some overlap. For

example, if family is one of your top five priorities you may have committed

yourself to activities that are important to family members.

Now do the exercise that you did in the section above. Circle the commitments

that you freely chose. Now list your top five commitments in order of

importance. Can some of the top five activities be completed soon? Remember

that when you complete tasks you will have more energy available to do things

you want to do. Tasks that you know you need to do seem to just hover over

you draining energy from you. It is better to complete tasks that you committed

to do instead of thinking about them.

You may feel you ought to say yes when you are asked to do something.

However, you know when you have too many commitments you begin to feel

overwhelmed and you may not be able to do any of them at the level of

performance you expect of yourself. Also, other people will remember what

you said you would do and will not trust your word in the future if you do not

follow through on a commitment.

Ø Saying “No”

Two-year-olds learn to say “No” with emphasis. You may need to learn to say

“No.” If you feel you need to say “No” think about it and avoid saying “Yes” in

order to please others.

Twenty years ago the newly elected president of a large professional

organization asked me to be the new membership chairman. I thanked “Betty”

for her confidence in me but told her, “I am too busy and do not have the time.”

Betty said, “Oh, it won’t take much time, Mary Alice, and I want you to be on

my team.”

I allowed her to persuade me to be the membership chairman. At a luncheon a

week later I talked to the outgoing membership chairman. She told me about all

that she did and how much time it took. I became highly anxious about this

situation. I did not want to disappoint Betty but I did not want to try to do that

job and not do it well.

Two nights later I had a dream in which I told Betty, “I just have so many other

responsibilities that I must decline the Membership Chair position.” In my

dream, Betty looked at me, patted me on the shoulder and said, “All right, Mary

Alice, I will get someone else.”

I awoke feeling so relieved. That morning I phoned Betty, and she accepted my

decision gracefully. About a month later I learned that my husband had a

serious illness which became terminal. I realized that “my gut” had been telling

me to say “No.” I was glad I had turned down the additional responsibility.

After all, my husband was a top priority and I wanted to take care of him.

It would have been better if I had stuck to my first “No.” Learning to say “No”

to too many commitments is one way you can take care of yourself. However,

if you are already over committed you may need to evaluate how you will

spend your time the rest of this year.

In the next section I share “Jean’s” story and how she is piloting her life. **********************************************************************4. An overwhelmed client

In a coaching session “Jean,” a professional, married young woman with a three-year-old daughter, said, “I feel overwhelmed.” Her husband’s job requires him to be out of the city practically full-time. When he is home he shares the homemaking activities equally with Jean. However, while he is away she has all of the work plus her job to do.

“I know there are a lot of other women who feel like I do and do not feel they have enough time to get everything done,” she commented. “I just do not have much energy. I feel tired all of the time.” Fortunately, her recent physical indicated that she is healthy.

She decided to resume some activities that had helped her feel good about herself in the past. She started writing in her journal again so she could put some of her concerns down on paper and not have to continue to think about them all the time. She started taking vitamins and concentrated on eating healthful meals. She purchased a good yoga video which she uses at home. This has become a sharing time with her daughter who likes to “watch the pretty lady” on the TV screen.

Jean expressed concern that she was beginning to feel bored with some aspects of her job. However, she was excited about a new project so she started blocking out time each week to complete it. Recently she reported that two other people in her office are working with her on the project and she is happy that they will soon be finished. They all three are proud of the work they are doing.

In our last coaching session on the phone I could hear some “spark” in Jean’s voice. Now she is feeling more in control of her life.

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5. Tips to help you enjoy the rest of the year

a. Review your priorities. Concentrate on the top five.

b. Consider how you can accomplish your commitments and still have balance in your life.

c. Learn to say “No” to avoid becoming overcommitted.

d. Expect and be thankful for the good things in your life.

e. Realize that you are the pilot of your life. Keep checking that your energy and time are being used in line with your priorities.

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6. Additional Information

Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D., creator of PILOT YOUR LIFE, is an executive and personal coach and a licensed psychologist in the State of Texas. She coaches clients by phone worldwide to pilot their ships utilizing their creativity and abilities at optimal levels.

Schedule a free coaching session by phoning 972-690-0442. If you have questions, suggestions or comments about ideas presented in this issue, please send an e-mail to maphurd@mail.smu.edu or phone 972-690-0442.

Mary Alice presents speeches and training workshops on How to have Win-Win Conversations, Managing Change, Career Transitions, Thriving after 55, Discovering and Using your Strengths for Greater Happiness, Finding Your Gifts and Talents, Making the Most of Your Time, Networking for Success and Fun, or other subjects of interest to your group. Contact her by e-mail at maphurd@mail.smu.edu or phone

972-690-0442 to schedule your next event.

Mary Alice earned her degrees in psychology at George Washington University, the University of Pennsylvania, and Texas Christian University. She was a psychology professor at Southern Methodist University for 30 years.

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