|
Speak with Intent
Volume 5, Number 7
November/December 2006
Greetings!
THIS TIME OF YEAR WE CELEBRATE
Thanksgiving (in the United
States) and special religious holidays.
Frequently, we get together with family and friends. This is an opportunity
to share the joys and challenges of the present year and our dreams and
hopes for the coming year. If we and others can express what is really in
our hearts and their hearts, this can be a joyous time for everyone.
Something that is in my heart is gratefulness to Ceil Sinnex,
my copy editor. During the five years I have been publishing Pilot-Your-Life
Ceil has shared her knowledge and tactfully taught me how to be a
better and more confident writer. (Ceil can be reached at
csinnex@yahoo.com.)
SPEAK WITH INTENT is the title of
this newsletter. If we speak with intent rather than just talking, we can
make our personal and professional conversations more interesting. The
following three sections present ways we can improve our conversational
skills by learning to speak succinctly, specifically, and graciously. David
Rock, author of the book, "Quiet Leadership" indicates
that we can become better leaders by learning to speak with intent.
Be succinct
 TO BE SUCCINCT
means we are concise. We express the important points briefly and clearly.
First, we need to quickly hook our listener's attention. This is true
because speaking is a slower process than listening and thinking. If our
"audience" wants more information, they can request it. If we use
a metaphor, then listeners can quickly understand us. They can fit our
descriptions into the pictures stored in their own brain networks. They may
nod their heads when our metaphor and their pictures coincide. This process
will help listeners remember our comments, integrate their ideas with ours,
and share their ideas with us.
WHEN WE THINK BEFORE WE SPEAK we
are more focused and will be less likely to waste the time of our listener.
When we speak we need to watch the listener to see whether they are
interested and whether they understand what we are saying. We may need to
change how we are presenting our thoughts for our listeners to understand
us.
Be specific
 IT IS EASIER
TO BE SPECIFIC in our conversations if we listen closely to what people are
saying. This helps us be aware of the important points, so when we respond
we can be accurate and specific in our responses.
WHEN WE ARE CONVERSING with people
we know well, we need to remember they are unique people. We should not
assume we know what they are thinking because of our past experiences with
them. Unknown to us, things may have changed in their lives. It is easy to
put them in a "box" and act toward them as we always have. For
example, if someone is an accountant we need to learn what the person is
like and not just assign her to the box "accountant" and expect
her to always act a certain way.
EACH OF US KNOWS SOMEONE who
rambles and takes a long time to get to the point. Often we do not
understand what they are trying to say. However, if we are confused we
might ask questions that will help the speaker be specific. In order for us
to avoid "rambling," we need to concentrate on the major points
we want to emphasize. Futhermore, we should think
about whether we will be contributing something positive to the
conversation.
Be generous
 WE ARE BEING GENEROUS
when we pay attention and focus on the person with whom we are talking.
This means we concentrate on what is being said and do not think about what
we are going to say next or do something else that shifts the attention to
us. Women frequently try to multitask the many
activities we feel are our responsibility. Research has shown that when
multitasking we are just switching our attention from one task to the
other. The result is we may not be doing the different tasks as well as we
could do them!
WE NEED TO BE SENSITIVE TO WHAT
could upset our listener. We can learn to speak in more tactful ways.
People will look forward to having a conversation with us because they know
that we care about them and do not want to hurt them.
WHEN WE GIVE OTHERS LOTS OF
ENCOURAGEMENT, we help them feel safe so they can think in new ways and use
more of their potential. When we share with others the potential we see in
them they will feel more confident about themselves.
WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP do we
want to have with our listener in the future? This may mean we stop
thinking about what has happened in the past which is limiting our
relationship. If we want the relationship to be better or at a deeper level
than before we can follow some of the suggestions in this newsletter.
WE SHARE OURSELVES by letting
other people know what is important to us. Then, they will feel safe to
express what is really important to them. We need to be wise when we speak
about ourselves. We may need to share in small ways to learn how the other
person responds. In other words, we need to know that it is safe to share
because we know the other person values us and wants to help us be the best
we can be.
Tips for speaking with intent
- Take
time to think about what you want to say.
- Remember
to speak succinctly.
- Increase
understanding by creating word pictures.
- Use
simple language and be specific.
- Be
sensitive and positive toward others.
Dr. Mary Alice Hurd
 A client
wrote, "Dr. Mary Alice Hurd has touched my
life with her very talented telephone coaching in a special way. Many
thanks go to her for helping me to think through a serious personal crisis
and to reach a positive solution."
DR. MARY ALICE HURD IS AN
EXECUTIVE COACH AND LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST. She integrates her experience as
an organizational psychological consultant with 30 years as a psychology
professor at Southern Methodist
University. She
received her coaching training in the MentorCoach
program. Mary Alice has been coaching individuals and groups over the phone
since 2001. She also presents workshops and speeches to organizations and
groups in person. (For further details click on biography.)
MARY ALICE IS AFFILIATED WITH
SUCCESS DISCOVERIES. Success Discoveries is a consortium of
highly-qualified independent coaches representing multiple coaching specialities. As a collaborative team we provide a
broad wealth of knowledge and expertise for the benefit of corporate and iindividual clients. For more information click on www.successdiscoveries.com.
A "Super" Book
I STRONGLY RECOMMEND "Quiet
Leadership" by David Rock (HarperCollins, 2006). This book provides
excellent examples of real dilemmas and how people can learn to think
differently and handle problems in all areas of their lives. The brain
research data that he provides are easy to understand and help us
understand how to use our brains more effectively.
IN HIS BOOK ROCK DISCUSSES how
"speaking with intent" can help us be more effective leaders. In
addition, we can save time and have more productive and enriching
conversations.
|
