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Where We Want To Be
At the beginning of a new year, we have an opportunity to review the
past year. We think about the successes and the positive things that
occurred. If there are negative memories we need to concentrate on
what we can do differently in 2004.
When we expect to have good things happen in our lives, we are more
likely to experience more good. One client said, "I do not let myself
expect good things to happen. Instead, I think of the worst case
scenarios. Then, I am not as disappointed when good things don't
happen." My response was, "How sad! I believe it is better to think
about good outcomes and the steps we can take to move us in positive
directions."
Daily contacts with positive and optimistic people can increase our
feelings of optimism. Even if we can not be around optimistic people
every day we can contact positive people on the phone. There are some
people who communicate their optimistic outlook over the phone by an
up-beat quality in their voices. We can learn to share our positive
feelings through how we sound on the phone.
In our review of where we are and where we want to be, we can list
our positive attributes and our accomplishments. Too often people
spend their time thinking about negative qualities and what was not
accomplished. Whenever we catch ourselves thinking negatively, we can
learn to shift to something positive. For example, if we are trying to
be more patient and not yell at people we can congratulate outselves
that we smiled at someone instead of yelled when they were slow to
answer our questions.
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Greetings!
Each of us has experienced getting into a car, turning the key,
expecting the engine to start -- but it does not. When this happens
to me I immediately think, "Oh dear, the battery must be dead!" This
has not happened often. However, when this scenario has occurred,
concerned motorists have approached me and offered to jump-start my
car. Sometimes we may wish we could jump-start our lives.
This month we will consider what to do when we feel we are in a
rut, or stuck, or want to live 2004 differently. Sometimes we may
feel that if everyone else would do what we want them to do, we
would be happier and feel more in control of our lives. Always, we
need to remember that we can only control our own thoughts, ideas,
and actions. By understanding ourselves and piloting our own lives
we can experience more satisfaction and happiness.
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Express Gratitude
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As children, most of us learned to say thank you when someone gave
us something or did something for us. Some people today are more
likely to criticize what others do than to express thanks for what
is done correctly. Most of us feel good when someone expresses
gratitude to us. In the future, we will recognize that person and
want to help them. We may also need to express gratitude to
ourselves when we are doing well.
When we are expressing gratitude, it is more meaningful if we are
specific about what we appreciate. For example, his week I heard a
patient expressing his gratitude to a physician's secretary. As he
was leaving he said, "Thank you for explaining this procedure to me
carefully. I know you want to do a good job. I appreciate that you
speak to me clearly so I can understand you." The secretary smiled a
beautiful smile and replied, "Oh, Thank you!"
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Presenting Ourselves
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Now is a good time to check out our wardrobe. We can decide what
items are appropriate for various situations and what accessories to
wear. We can check that they are clean and in good repair. We may
want to consult with a friend about various combinations. Several
years ago I decided I would try to find a new way to accessorize an
outfit. When I walked into my neighbor's kitchen her ten-year-old
son was eating cereal. He looked at me and said in a thoughtful
voice, "You have some things that make you look prettier!" I
eliminated that dress from my closet. Always remember the advice of
children can be helpful.
We can look in the mirror to see how we look. In fact, it is a
good idea to look at ourselves in a full-length mirror to be sure we
have that "put-together" look that we want. We can smile at
ourselves to start us off in a positive mood. Whether we are feeling
positive or not, we can think about some positive outcomes that can
result. When we present an image of success others will respond to
us positively.
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Time for Ourselves
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Several people have recently mentioned the need to make certain they
take some time for themselves. Ways that some people make time for
themselves is to: enjoy a relaxing bubble bath; pray; meditate; read
inspirational or self/help material; read fiction; exercise
regularly; get up early to drink coffee, read the paper, and think;
write in a journal; or write an autobiography. If you have a
favorite way to make time for yourself, please share it with me at
maphurd@mail.smu.edu.
When we are rushing around, we can lose touch with our inner
core. I believe that God is everywhere and in everyone. Being in
touch with ourselves helps us realize we have the strengths and
abilities to go where we want to go. We can pause and rest, and then
be refreshed to pilot our lives in the directions we want to go.
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Tips for Jump-starting Our LIves
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(1) Focus on and understand ourselves, (2) Interact with positive
people, (3) Express gratitude to others and ourselves, (4) Present
ourselves positively, (5) Make time for ourselves so we can realize
our strengths and abilities, and (6) Get a coach to help plan and
reach goals.
In a FREE COACHING SESSION, I will coach you about a change you
would like to make or a problem you are facing. Phone 972-690-0442
or contact me at maphurd@mail.smu.edu.
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