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Change thinking -- Stop giving
advice
Volume 5, Number 5 July/August
2006
Greetings!
WE GIVE ADVICE FREQUENTLY. How
often do others take our advice? How do we feel when someone gives us
advice? Do we follow it? In this newsletter we will consider how we can help
ourselves and others to think in different ways. The reason is that if we
learn how to think in different ways, different connections or maps will be
made in our brains. We will find new ways to think about dilemmas and
problems. We will be motivated to take the actions we initiate.
Furthermore, we, as well as others, will be performing at higher levels.
KNOWING SOME OF THE RESEARCH ON
HOW THE BRAIN WORKS can help us be better leaders and to have better
relationships with our professional colleagues, friends and families. Last
month I wrote about a "super" book written by David Rock and
published in 2006. "Quiet Leadership" presents suggestions that
can enable a leader to help colleagues learn to think differently so their
performance will be higher and they will feel their potential is being
used. Included in this book are ideas about how brain research can help us
be more effective in a variety of situations at work and in our personal
lives. Some of the ideas I discuss in this newsletter were triggered by
"Quiet Leadership."
Ask permission
 INSTEAD OF
GIVING ADVICE, ask for permission to discuss a dilemma or issue that an
employee, family member, or friend faces. Then ask questions that help the person
think in new ways about a problem or dilemma.
INDICATE THE SUBJECT you would
like to discuss. Then, choose a mutually convenient time and place to talk.
Explain that the purpose of the conversation is for you to understand how
he/she feels and thinks about the subject. To understand you will need to
ask questions that will help the person look at the situation differently.
WHEN YOU MEET for the discussion, exlain that the conversation will be different from
other discussions because you will be asking questions that will help both
of you find new ways to think about the situation. Again, ask permission to
have the discussion. You could add something like, "If you feel
uncomfortable during this discussion, please tell me." (Then, each person
has some control over the discussion.)
SOME USEFUL QUESTIONS TO ASK
include, "How long have you been concerned about this situation? How
important on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 meaning very important) is it to
you to solve this problem? What have you tried or what have you considered
trying?" These questions will help both of you to realize how much
time and energy has been spent thinking about the problem. Frequently, an
"Aha" -- a flash of insight -- occurs that it is necessary to
solve the problem soon. At this point, ask whether it would be helpful to
consider various options.
Develop an action plan
 ENCOURAGE
CONSIDERATION of several options. The goal is to generate as many ideas as
possible without evaluating the ideas when they are stated. You can ask if
it would be helpful for you to suggest some more ideas.
WHEN AN ACTION PLAN IS DEVELOPED
you can help accomplish the action. If you are included in the plan it will
increase the probability that the action will be taken. Research on the
activity of the brain shows that whenever new actions are started,
encouragement is needed to help the neural pathways in the brain become
stronger.
Advantages of changing one's
thinking
- When
you learn to think differently, new connections are made in the brain.
The use of these new connections provides more ways to think about a
problem.
- When
you are able to think through a problem and decide what you will do to
solve it, you are motivated to get into action and get rid of the
dilemma.
- You
will have more energy because you will not have the dilemma in your
thoughts and "hanging over you."
- Your
relationships with others will improve as you stop giving advice and
begin to ask questions that help them think differently about their
problems. They will feel empowered because they make the decisions and
carry out the actions that will end their dilemmas.
Recommendation for a
"Super" book
I STRONGLY RECOMMEND "Quiet
Leadership" published by David Rock in 2006 by HarperColllins
Publishers in New York.
This book provides excellent examples of real dilemmas and how people can
learn to think differently and handle problems in many areas of their
lives. The brain research data that are provided are easy to understand and
help us understand how to use our brains better.
Dr. Mary Alice Hurd
 CALL MARY
ALICE at 972.690.0442 to experience a new way to solve a dilemma. This free
coaching session will provide useful tools for you to use in all areas of
your life.
MARY ALICE AND HER HUSBAND PHIL
are celebrating eight years of marriage. They feel blessed that they found
each other and decided to share their lives together.
DR. MARY ALICE HURD IS AN
EXECUTIVE COACH AND LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST. She integrates her experience as
an organizational psychological consultant with 30 years as a psychology
professor at Southern Methodist
University. She
received her coaching training in the MentorCoach
program. Mary Alice has been coaching individuals and groups over the phone
since 2001. Also, she presents workshops and speeches to organizations and
groups in person. (For further details click on biography.)
MARY ALICE IS AFFILIATED with
Success Discoveries. Success Discoveries is a consortium of
highly-qualified independent coaches representing multiple coaching
specialties. As a collaborative team we provide a broad wealth of knowledge
and expertise for the benefit of corporate and individual clients. For more
information click on www.successdiscoveries.com.
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