A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE means they each care about each other and want good things to happen in the future. Self esteem refers to what we believe and feel about ourselves. Power refers to being able to influence what happens outside of us. Unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) women feel a relationship is balanced if they perceive each has similar levels of self esteem and equivalent power. Positive relationships are maintained between two women when each perceives they have equal self-esteem and equivalent power.

A BALANCED RELATIONSHIP EXISTED between "Linda" and "Marge" who have been colleagues in the same organization for three years. They felt comfortable with each other and were good friends. Both of them had high self-esteem and an equivalent amount of power and influence within their organization. Each of them and the three other women at their level in the organization supervised highly productive and efficient departments. The women were supportive of each other and shared their successes and problems. For example, when Linda was completing her MBA the other women encouraged her to finish her degree while she was handling some difficult family problems.

RELATIONSHIPS CHANGED WHEN LINDA WAS PROMOTED to be the Vice President of her division. Linda was the first woman to become a vice president in the organization. Linda was surprised at the reactions of Marge and her other colleagues who now reported directly to her. They congratulated her but they did not seem enthusiastic and happy. The fact that one of their group had been promoted changed the power balance. Those "left behind" felt less valued which lowered their self-esteem. Instead of feeling happy that a woman was moving up in the organization they felt less friendly and cooperative and began indirectly to disparage Linda's ability. Fortunately, Linda had been coaching with me for several months. She formulated a plan and through experience has learned some tips that she is willing for me to share in this newsletter.

SCHEDULE INDIVIDUAL MEETINGS WITH ALL SUBORDINATES as soon as possible to learn what their goals are and how you can help them. Provide opportunities for them to participate in useful training programs. Help them make presentations that give them good visibility. Let them know you value their strengths and are counting on them to the organization grow and be successful.

MAINTAIN VERBAL CONTACT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE by keeping current with what is happening in their families and their lives. However, do not expect to "pal around" with them and go to lunch as frequently. Also, it is wise not to share as much personal information as you did earlier.

DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS OUTSIDE YOUR IMMEDIATE WORK AREA and outside your organization. Then, you will have additional people with whom to share your ideas and personal concerns.