Feb03Newsletter
PILOT YOUR LIFE, Vol. 2, No. 2
February 2003
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NAVIGATE THE OPPORTUNITIES AND CHALLENGES IN YOUR LIFE
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Welcome to the February issue of PILOT YOUR LIFE. Share it with people interested in learning about coaching and/or people who have a crisis in their lives.
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IN THIS ISSUE:
1. Comments from Your Editor, Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D.
2. When We Have a Crisis to Whom Do We Turn for Help?
3. Why People Hire a Coach?
4. Coaching Examples
5. What I Do and How I Do It
6. Tips
7. Additional Information
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1. Comments from Your Editor, Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D.
Unexpected events continue to occur in our lives, which bring up the question of who do we turn to for help. In the next section I discuss this subject.
Several readers have asked me to describe what I do as a coach. While thinking about this I decided I would discuss why people hire a coach and also how I coached two different clients.
Then, in section 5 I explain how I handle the process of setting up a coaching relationship. In addition, I indicate what you can expect from me as a coach.
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2. When We Have a Crisis to Whom Do We Turn for Help?
An example of someone who needed good support is demonstrated in the new movie "About Schmidt." People who have seen the movie have commented that they believe
Jack Nicholson realistically portrays what can happen in a crisis.
Some people may reach out to family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and ministers who will listen and provide support and help. People do not always find
the support they expected from friends they thought would help them in times of need. Unfortunately, the friends might have had so many commitments that they did not have the time, energy or knowledge to help.
Sadly, some people do not feel they have anyone who will listen to them. They have not made friendships away from work. In the present economic situation it is wise to have friends in different areas of our lives. People who have retired or been laid off from their jobs have told me that they feel hurt when their "work friends" do not contact them or offer to get together with them.
Now many people hire a coach when a change is pending or has occurred. A coach will be supportive and objective, ask hard questions that will help the client formulate goals and develop realistic plans to attain those goals. Typically, coaches help their clients stay focused on their goals by asking them to commit to specific agreed-upon action steps.
One of my clients said, "When I tell my husband I am going to do something I can always find an excuse not to do it. When I tell you I will do something, I do it!"
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3. Why People Hire a Coach
There are several reasons people hire a coach. One person wants to accomplish a desired outcome like obtaining a job, changing a career, or completing a graduate degree.
Another person is considering retirement and hires a coach as a collaborator and to make plans in order to navigate smoothly through retirement. As partners they evaluate opportunities and design an exciting, enjoyable, and meaningful life.
Other people are recovering from the death of a loved one or a divorce. They hire a
coach to help them look at their lives, make plans and implement positive changes.
The man named "Jim," discussed in section 4 below, is an example of someone who is successful in many areas but wants a more fulfilled, balanced and happier life in other areas.
In the following section I share examples of how I coached two clients. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy.
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4. Coaching Examples
(a) When "Sally" became a client she was nearing a crisis as her ship was
off course and headed toward rocks. She felt her life was out of control. She had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, was overweight, and unhappy about herself and her marriage. I realized that Sally had lost touch with her natural resources, talents, and creativity. What I did as her coach was to help her draw out those qualities.
Working together as partners, she developed a plan to take better care of her body. When Sally made a commitment to carry out a step in her plan she reported back in her next coaching session. She purchased a bike and began to ride it before or after work. She resumed yoga classes and started buying and eating healthy food. A few months later her blood pressure and cholesterol were under control. Sally began to FEEL GOOD and to think positively about herself.
Then Sally used her coaching time to clarify career goals and to make a realistic plan. Now she is taking academic courses, which are required to attain her career goal. A side benefit is that Sally is happier with herself and her relationship with her husband. She commented, "Coaching is like a kick in the butt. Instead of just talking about what I want to do, I am doing it."
(b) "Jim" is a successful children’s dentist with a solo private practice who is a
part-time professor at a dental school. He is a divorced single parent whose son has graduated from college and is employed in a good job in another city.
Now Jim has the freedom to think about himself and his life. As his coach I asked him questions to help him focus his thinking and to develop a plan. Jim wanted some women friends. We discussed what he could do to find mature women who are intelligent, attractive, and personable with whom he could talk and go on dates.
He made the commitment to talk to five new women by our next coaching session. He reported back that within the first three days he had talked to five new women! Later he decided to visit the singles groups in several different churches. As a result of making commitments to go places where he has an opportunity to
meet women he feels more comfortable talking with them. Jim has had a few dinner dates. Now he is enjoying having friendships with women and men and not being a "loner."
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5. What I Do and How I Do It
If you are interested in coaching I offer you a free coaching session on the telephone. This session provides an opportunity to demonstrate a coaching session on some issue
of concern to you. If we agree that a coaching partnership would help you make desired changes and/or help you manage various changes that occur in your life we decide on a schedule of coaching sessions to meet your needs and goals. Typically, this involves
45 minute telephone coaching sessions scheduled two to four times a month. We discuss fees and payment arrangements at this time as well.
What you can expect from me, as your coach is that I will be your partner in considering where you are in your life, where you want to be, and how you can attain your goals.
I will be objective and realistic in helping you implement your plan. Together we will evaluate your progress and what you are learning. In a supportive way I will hold
you accountable for doing what you make a commitment to do. Also, you can know that I will be your cheerleader as you navigate your ship toward YOUR goals.
You may schedule a free coaching session by e-mail at maphurd@mail.smu.edu or by phone at 972-690-0442 or 972-671-2899.
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6. Tips
(a) Remember this is your life, i.e., your ship to navigate in this amazing world. Sometimes I close my eyes, breathe a couple of deep breaths and say to my self, "This is my life and I am thankful for it."
(b) Look at and enjoy the world and people around you because too often we "wear blinders" to shut the world out of our awareness.
(c) Keep in touch with friends and loved ones and let them know you care about them. Share your special good memories with them. Your day will seem brighter and so will their day.
(d) Enlarge your circle of friends and acquaintances and find out what excites them. They can enrich your future and you can share joys with them.
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7. Additional Information -- Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D.
Presents workshops and speeches on: How to Enjoy Retirement, Make the Most of “Your Time," Networking for Fun and Success, Change Management, and Changing Your Career.
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A free subscription to PILOT YOUR LIFE can be obtained by sending an e-mail to maphurd@mail.smu.edu with the subject heading "Subscribe newsletter." If you would like to receive this newsletter on paper, phone 972-690-0442, give your name and address and ask to be put on the PILOT YOUR LIFE by mail subscription list.
If you do not want to receive this newsletter in the future, hit "Reply" and put "Do not subscribe" on the subject line.
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PILOT YOUR LIFE is intended for informational and educational purposes. It is NOT a substitute for psychotherapeutic or other professional advice and consultation.
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Copyright 2003 Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Although this newsletter is copyrighted you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as you do not change, add or delete one word, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a website without my permission.
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CONTACT INFORMATION:
Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D., Editor of PILOT YOUR LIFE
Personal and Professional Change Coach
maphurd@mail.smu.edu
Phone: 972-690-0442 or 972-671-2899
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