PILOT YOUR LIFE, Vol. 2, No. 9

October 2003

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Decision-making

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Welcome! Many months ago I decided to build a web site. This month I am announcing and celebrating the posting of my web site at www.pilot-your-life.com. I invite you to visit my web site and give me feedback.

We all make many decisions every day. In this issue we will look at how we make decisions.

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IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Comments from Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D.

2. How do we make decisions?

3. Who makes the final decision?

4. Anne’s decisions

5. Tips for decision-making

6. Additional Information **********************************************************************

1. Comments from Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D.

Some of us had an opportunity to learn how to make good decisions while we were growing up. Our parents provided us with the information needed to make decisions. Then, they gave us the freedom to make decisions that we were old enough to make for ourselves. So, we had an opportunity to learn to make decisions when we were in a safe place. We could practice making decisions while we were maturing.

We also learned there were consequences to making decisions. We learned to make better decisions when we experienced the satisfaction of making a good decision or “suffered” the consequences of a poor decision. For example, if you have a snowball fight next to your neighbor’s house and you break the windowpane someone needs to pay to replace the broken glass. My next-door neighbors learned when they were young that it took a lot of money to pay to repair the windows on the side of my home. They decided to have snowball fights where there were no windows!

Probably each of us can remember some individuals whose parents never let them experience the consequences of what they did. Unfortunately, some parents continue to pay for their children’s poor decisions and the children DO NOT LEARN to make good decisions.

I have had clients who were never allowed to make decisions. Their parents made all decisions. Now that they are adults, their parents are still telling them what they should do and criticizing any independent decisions they make.

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2. How do we make decisions?

This “Pilot Your Life” newsletter was started to help people realize that they have control over their lives. One way we exercise this control is when we look at the choices available to us and decide what we are going to do.

Do you think about a decision or do you decide to do whatever action comes into your head? Do you think about what the consequences to the various decisions might be? Do you list the positive and negative possible consequences in two separate columns so you can evaluate the decisions carefully?

Some people have great difficulty making a decision. They seem to be afraid they will not make the right decision. They vacillate and just may not make a decision. They do not realize that NOT TO DECIDE is a decision. Also, not to decide results in positive and/or negative consequences.

Other people may not want to make a decision because they think the decision will be final. We need to realize we learn from our experiences. We can make different decisions later in our lives. In section 4 below, I share with you how a client, “Anne,” changed a major decision later in her life.

When more than one person will be making the decision a “musts and wants” strategy is useful. A “must” is something essential. For example, when my husband and I were looking for a home, a “must” was “a house with no steps.” A “want,” i.e., something that would be nice but not essential, was “a gas stove.”

When using the “musts and wants procedure, everyone will:

Ø list their “musts” and “wants,”

Ø list their top five musts,

Ø share lists

Ø negotiate the group’s top FOUR musts that will be included in their final decision. (Four musts is realistic and workable.)

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3. Who makes the final decision?

Who needs to be involved in this decision? When we consider the answer to this question we need to think about who will be affected by the decision. How can they be involved in the decision-making process so they will be motivated to work toward implementing the decision?

When must the decision be made? If there is a short amount of time, information needs to be gathered quickly. If there is a deadline the people need to know what the deadline is and who will make the final decision. It may be that one person will make the final decision but others will have input. In some situations a whole group may be making the decision. However, if they cannot make the decision by the deadline, everyone knows who the designated decision maker will be.

An effective decision-making strategy is to obtain as much information as possible concerning the available options. The final decision should be made by the smallest possible number of people whose authority is respected and followed.

********************************************************************** 4. Anne’s decisions.

After graduation Anne, an education major, began teaching in a public school. Soon, she realized that teaching was not what she expected. She obtained a position in “corporate America,” married, and started a family. However, she continued to work in the business world.

Anne discovered she understood computers easily. Her colleagues were soon asking her to explain how to use their computers more efficiently. Her boss asked her to teach a class to others in her organization so they could become more “computer literate.” Anne thought about how she had decided she did not want to teach after she graduated from college. However, her boss persuaded her to teach one class. To her surprise, Anne found she loved teaching adults. She continued teaching computer skills and even began teaching computer courses in a local community college on Saturdays.

When Anne started coaching with me, she had been laid off from a training position in a large corporation shortly after 9/11. Her first goal was to obtain another fulltime position in a large business. However, she accepted some short-term contracts to teach advanced computer skills in corporations. During one coaching session, Anne commented, “I do not want to do their jobs. But I do love to teach them to use their computers so they can excel at their jobs.”

We explored her strengths and values. Fortunately, Anne is centered and comfortable with herself and her values. During coaching her goals shifted toward how she can use her gift of teaching and encouraging adults to try new things and learn new skills. She realized her way of teaching encouraged and brought out the creativity and enthusiasm in others to learn and grow.

Anne has reconsidered her decision to “not be a teacher.” She has realized through experience that she wants to continue to teach adults at the college level. Now Anne is teaching more courses in junior colleges while going to graduate school. She has made the decision she wants to expand ways to teach adults in colleges so they can be happier and more successful. **********************************************************************

5. Tips to help you make decisions:

a. Develop a decision-making process that works positively for you.

b. When opportunities open up, evaluate them. Hire a coach to be your objective partner in deciding on goals and planning how to accomplish them.

c. Remember that NOT TO DECIDE is a decision which has consequences.

d. Try the “musts” and “wants” strategy when several people will be involved in the decision-making.

e. A decision is not carved in stone. You can rethink a decision after you have more knowledge and experience.

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6. Additional Information

Mary Alice Hurd, Ph.D., creator of PILOT YOUR LIFE, is an executive and personal coach, and a licensed psychologist in Texas. She coaches clients by phone worldwide to pilot their ships while utilizing their creativity and abilities at optimal levels.

Schedule a free coaching session by phoning 972-690-0442. If you have questions, suggestions or comments about ideas presented in this issue, please send an e-mail to maphurd@mail.smu.edu or phone 972-690-0442.

Mary Alice presents speeches and training workshops on Decision-making, How to have Win-Win Conversations, Managing Change, Career Transitions, Thriving after 55, Discovering and Using your Strengths for Greater Happiness, Finding Your Gifts and Talents, Making the Most of Your Time, Networking for Success and Fun, or other subjects of interest to your group. To schedule your next event contact her by e-mail at maphurd@mail.smu.edu or phone 972-690-0442.

Mary Alice earned her degrees in psychology at George Washington University, the University of Pennsylvania, and Texas Christian University. She was a psychology professor at Southern Methodist University for 30 years.

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