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Six Facets of Self-Esteem Volume 4, No. 5 April 2005 Greetings! WOMEN FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE in our
relationships with other women when we have similar or equivalent self-esteem
(positive beliefs about ourselves) and power (the ability to influence others
and the world outside of us). The March issue, "Self-Esteem
Revisited," triggered many email responses. One reader's feedback is
highlighted in the next paragraph. "SELF-ESTEEM IS VERY IMPORTANT especially for women.
I am glad to see that you are reaching out to women about the subject. We do
not hear very often what actions to take or what self-esteem may look like in
others. It is difficult for women to accept compliments from others, yet they
yearn for just that on a periodic basis. Women in general have a difficult
time accepting the very thing they want. Some feel they are not supposed to
stand out or take credit for things they have done well in order to spare the
feelings of others. Women feel they must walk a fine line of boosting others
while making sure they do not step on others' toes. Self-esteem issues will
need nurturing in the individual woman (i.e., individual women need to
nurture their own self- esteem) just as women feel they need to nurture
others. We must come to the realization that we are not superwomen (as much
as we would like to be) and allow others to help and nurture us. Thank you so
much for talking about this issue in everyday terms. I really enjoyed the
newsletter and I hope at least one woman takes your words to heart and begins
to apply them in her everyday life. I know I will be more aware about
complimenting others on their good jobs." Power and Self-esteem
DOES THE POWER SOMEONE ELSE HAVE automatically diminish
our self-esteem? My answer is, "No." Our self-esteem is not limited
to how much power we have. Our self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves.
When we follow instructions we are not giving up part of ourselves. We are
working together with others to accomplish larger goals. PEOPLE WHO STRIVE TO HAVE A LOT OF POWER may expect to
have higher self-esteem. The fact that others believe in us and put us in a
leadership role can mean we feel better about ourselves and our potential.
However, a woman can have high self-esteem and feel good about herself without having the power to force her
influence on others. Each of us needs to realize we can influence others by
how we interact with them on a regular basis. Self-esteem and Important Needs
AN UNFULFILLED NEED may be holding us back from being all
that we could be. In coaching sessions, I have had clients say that they
really need to have someone tell them honestly and specifically what they are
doing right and also tell them when and how they could do better. A client,
"Andrea," thought of one colleague who is in a position to know
what Andrea is doing on a daily basis. So, she decided to ask the colleague
to give her feedback regularly. Andrea has found that she profits from the
feedback, and that she also has peace of mind and does not spend so much time
reviewing situations trying to decide whether she did the right thing. Andrea
learned that she could design a system that fulfills an important need.
Futhermore, she is providing her employees with feedback on a regular basis.
The morale in her group has reached a higher level, and production has
improved dramatically. LET'S EACH THINK OF AN UNFILLED NEED and think about ways
it could be fulfilled. We may need to ask for someone else's help to satisfy
the need. Even if our first strategy to fulfill a need does not work, we can
keep trying until our important needs are satisfied so we can function at our
optimal levels. Tips to Improve Your Self-esteem
Opportunities and Professional
Information
MARY ALICE HURD,
Ph.D. coaches successful women who want to enjoy life and prosperity. I am an
executive coach and a licensed psychologist in Professional and Personal Growth
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